Community to Family in the Face of Trump

     Like the rest of the left, I am beyond tired of Trump’s bullshit. I am actually at the point where I can barely speak with someone about it without feeling like I’m going to cry and spontaneously combust in anger (yes, both at once). Every day continues to feel like an uphill political battle for mine and my loved ones’ safety and wellbeing. I’ve heard a lot of white women say and write “Well, I’m a white woman, I likely will not be deeply affected by the Trump regime”. They’re right. As a white, cisgender woman, I have the privilege of relative safety in this perilous time. And yet, I am not truly safe. As a partner, close friend, or simply acquaintance to many black and brown, queer, trans, non-binary, Muslim, and otherly-identified people, I stand to see my communities decimated. This is a great loss. Even if my individual wellbeing is not threatened, a threat to my communities, the people I know, the people I love, the people I pass every day on my way around town or campus – a threat to them is a threat to me.


I am saying this not only to justify or legitimize my political anxiety. I am also saying this as a call for all of us to take care of one another in these difficult times. Many people are feeling like me right now. As a result, self-care is a term and tactic skyrocketing in popularity as people feel overtaken by political anxiety, exhaustion, and burnout. But self-care is inherently individualist. It encourages us to look after ourselves and take responsibility for our emotions, but it also privatizes our pain and fuels the capitalist machine. Queer woman of color activist Brianna Suslovic writes in her article on self-care and new movement strategies, “Work more hours to earn more money to invest more in your personal self-care regimen, done in the privacy of your own home (or your own gym). This is scary not only because it leaves us with no examples of what caring for others looks like in public, but also because it sets the expectation that if caring happens privately, so should pain.” Suslovic argues that we must break out of self-care talk, and begin to care for each other, at least to supplement our private coping.

I agree. In this difficult and terrifying time, we need each other. It is important for us to come together to cry and share our pain, to share food, medicine, and resources to take care of each other, and to talk and dream together about what we can do and what we want the world to look like. I titled this article with the phrase “community to family” because I want us on the left to reframe what we think about others and how we see ourselves in relation to others. “Community” is a contested term with various meanings, but “family” is more clear cut. What do you do for your family when times are tough? You share with them, you take care of them, and your protect them. Your wellbeing is bound up with theirs; if they get hurt, you’re hurting too. You might not agree with them on everything, but at the end of the day you’d do whatever it takes to keep them safe. This is how we we can and must relate to each other in these tough political times.

My hero Grace Lee Boggs says in her book, The Next American Revolution, “We ourselves must begin practicing in the social realm the capacity to care for each other, to share food, skills, time, and ideas that up to now most of us have limited to our most personal cherished relationships…..We urgently need to bring to our communities the limitless capacity to love, serve, and create for and with each other.” (yes I have used this quote before – it is amazing and I will repeat it until I see it in the world). If now isn’t the time for the next American Revolution, I don’t know what is. When we begin not only caring for each other as Grace Lee Boggs suggests, but also defending and protecting each other, and acting with the understanding that, as indigenous activist Lila Watson puts it, “your liberation is bound up with mine”. When we begin treating each other and cherishing each other as family we can make it through this time, and we can create change.

     I understand my suggestions are easier said than done. Relating to one another on this level requires vulnerability, humility, emotional labor, trust, awareness, care, and love. It requires showing up for each other, checking ourselves, sharing, opening ourselves and our homes, confessing our pain and deepest fears. It is important that we stretch our capacities for each of these abilities. Without these bonds, we perish separately. We must reach out to each other. I’ll cap this off with a quote from Martin Niemoller discussing the Holocaust that I hope everyone has seen before. It stresses the extreme importance of taking care of and standing up for one another:

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—Because I was not a Socialist. 

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

     To avoid this unhappy fate, we must stretch ourselves to be more open, to care for each other, and defend each other in the face of fascism. I’ll see you all out there Monday May 1 defending the rights of immigrants and workers across the U.S., and if you’re in Santa Cruz, I’d also like to see you May 2nd at Quarry Plaza, participating in the march and rally with the African/Black Student Association on campus to demand support for our black peers. Let’s take these streets for each other!!

Many of my articles hit on topics of vulnerability, allyship, and community support. Please read through my Whiteness series, Time to Get Real, and my article on de-powering capitalism if you want more of my writing on these topics. I also suggest this TED Talk on vulnerability, Francesca Ramsey’s 5 Tips for Being an Ally video and Resistance Manual’s Tools for Resistance. And of course, the resources linked above.

Lastly, I want to say thank you to my community, to my family, for helping me through these times. I love you very much, and I am more grateful for you (all of you!) than my words can express.

With big, real, true love, support, and resistance, 


Well, hello there. Speaking of supporting each other, I’d would so greatly appreciate any support for my writing so I can keep doing more of it, and you can keep reading it 🙂 There are a few ways you can support my blog and help me get my message out. You can DONATE via Paypal to help me pay for toilet paper and such, and you can LIKE on Facebook and also share this post with people in your life, especially those who would like to learn more about solidarity and self/community care!

Photos: Phoebe Wahl, 2 (click through for the caption, it’s a beautiful photo)

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